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By Ian Driver - Chairman, MFA SA Division
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When you are told that you have a life threatening disease like Myeloma, the doctors, family & friends, health professionals and support groups emphasize that you should stay positive. But what does that really mean?
Many years ago, I went to a lecture by one of Australia’s best known cancer survivors, Ian Gawler. He has to be the most positive, determined, pro-active and inspiring person I have ever met, and when he was asked what a positive attitude was, he explained that most cancer patients misunderstand what the term means. Most people think that, if you keep telling yourself, “I am going to beat this cancer” over and over again, this is being “positive”, but it is not.
Every time you think the word “cancer”, you are reinforcing your disease and keeping it in your mind. Positive thinking is when you look to the future when your initial thoughts were that you didn’t have a future. Set achievable goals and things to fulfill.
People react differently when they are told that they have cancer. After the initial shock, some go to pieces and say, “why me?”, while other people have a more practical, pragmatic reaction and just get on with it. I went through the difficult moments of telling my wife and kids, but after that, it was, “O.K., what do I have to do to fix this?” The old cliché is right, that any life threatening disease focuses your priorities. After an initial information seeking process, I made sure it was clear in my own mind that I was undertaking the correct treatment, and therefore I was “on-board” and positive that it was going to work
Once the treatment is underway, sit down and make a “wish list” or a “bucket list”, as they call it now. This may depend on your finances and your general health, but it doesn’t have to be a long and exotic list, just things that you always wanted to do before you die. It could range from an overseas trip, local or interstate trips, a sea or tree change, new car, change of lifestyle, an event, etc. As I mentioned, your priorities change and it is not difficult to focus on a list, no matter how small the items are.
Sometimes, it is all you can think about. It takes your mind off the cancer and you start getting back to normal, well as close to it, under the circumstances. When you are well, you take the future for granted, but when you are not sure how long your future is, you spend a lot of time thinking about it. It doesn’t matter how big the item on the list is, as long as it is attainable.
I had a pretty comprehensive list, but fortunately, we had sufficient money and time to do the big ticket items, with the wife’s superannuation and my package from a previous job. I always had a dream of designing my own home and landscaping it with a waterfall and many shrubs and flowers, so while I was recovering from my treatment, I set the plan into motion.
With my physical limitations, it took me 7 years to complete the extensive landscaping after the house was built. Then we went overseas to the U.K., Scandinavia and Europe, but when we returned home, we decided to have a sea-change and moved down to Victor Harbor, a tourist and retirement town on the south coast of South Australia. (85km South of Adelaide) There we undertook volunteer work and I continued my work as Chairman of the South Australian Division of MFA. Life is great, less stressful and we have met many other volunteers and some marvelous people in the Myeloma Community.
But I had 2 items still left on my bucket list, until last November, when my children gave me a birthday voucher to go on a hot air balloon ride at Strathalbyn, South of Adelaide. It was brilliant, I felt alive and had another item ticked off. The last item is a helicopter ride. I have had a couple of false starts with this one, but hopefully, I will accomplish this soon.
I don’t know if there has been any research into the affects of a positive attitude on cancer outcomes, but I guess it would be difficult to measure anyway. It may not be a cure, but a positive attitude, I believe is one of the requirements you need to give yourself the best chance of survival.
I have met quite a few long term survivors of cancer, and I must say that I have never met one without a positive attitude !!!
I am a firm believer that you educate yourself about your disease, ask your doctor questions and if you still don’t understand what your treatment entails, get a second opinion, contact our Support Nurses on the Helpline or go to one of our Support Group Meetings. It is important that you understand the process, so that you can fully commit yourself to the treatment, which will give you the best chance of success, i.e. take control of your disease.
I have been one of the lucky ones, because my stem cell transplant “took” and I have been in complete remission for 13 years. When I have finished this list, I will start another list for the next 13 years. When I have finished this list, I will start another list for the next 13 years. A lot of people with cancer try to get away in caravans etc., just to get away from the treatment and enjoy life, even with the health and physical restrictions they quite often have. (In my Group, I would like to think that they would, however, try to fit their itinerary around our Support Group meeting dates)